A Wish for Ashley

I’m a humanities person.  I read, I write, I analyze and I begin again.  I don’t do numbers. I hate math (I once taught a group of middle school students to do long division in the wrong direction- left to right? Right to left? Who knows?! That’s what a calculator is for!) and if you want to experience the patented Audra glare, just ask me to produce a graph (my boss did once. She recently resigned. Hmm…).

So when Boyfriend supportively suggested that I create a Twitter account for ‘A Wish for Ashley’ to get the word out that way, I will admit, I did not enthusiastically log-on.  Why? Because I always equated Twitter with nerds. And nerds with math. And math with- nope, not for me! (Mind you, said boyfriend is one of those nerds, so, well… go figure).  However, because I’m desperate, I logged on, created a profile and listened to Boyfriend’s advice: start following as many random people as possible because “sooner or later they’ll start following you.”  Keeping with the theme of this project, I searched “Ashley” and selected some to follow.  Then I sat back, waiting for some of them to start following me.  

Oh I got some followers alright. 48 of them to be exact. All of them offering me access to porn.  Apparently in Twitterland, having your profile picture be a seven-year-old child, and your username be wishing for something means one thing: you’re a pedophile.  

I blocked them all, but let me tell you, I’m still not so sure about this Twitter thing.  So if you’re reading this, are on Twitter, and are not offering porn, follow me (awishforashley) and change my mind about this form of social media.  Because otherwise I will firmly hold onto the following non-judgmental belief (created with flawless mathematical logic):  Twitter is for nerds, nerds like math, math is boring, boring people have no friends, having no friends means certainly no girlfriend, no girlfriend means ‘going elsewhere’, ‘going elsewhere’ means porn, and porn- nope, not for me!

With love (and a complete distrust of 140-character statements of self),
Audra

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