A Wish for Ashley

I know, I know.  I’ve been slacking.  This is the longest I have gone without posting since A Wish for Ashley started.   Last week through this past weekend was a scramble as I tried to balance my job and real life with going through all of the emails I received from people who read the Tribune story.  If you take the time to tell me your story, I think it’s worth the time to write you a personalized thank you.  I’ve been pushing through my inbox in my evening hours, and this blog suffered as a result.  Forgive me.  I must learn to clone myself.  Fast.

A lot of the emails I received offered encouragement, ideas for the search and some even offered to log some A Wish for Ashley outreach hours.  Some people also asked questions- and there was one question in particular that came up many times.  I think my MIA blogging may have been a response- but for those of you who aren’t keen on subtle cues the answer is yes, I do, in fact, have a real job.

Some people think I’m a complicated person.  Guarded.  Reserved.  Ha, A Wish for Ashley has done away with that!  But if you were to actually try and trace it, my personal and intellectual passions nearly all link back to one of few past experiences that left a lasting impression.  Losing Ashley is one of them.  Trust me, I’ve often thought, why Ashley? Why not me?  And yes, it makes me feel guilty.  Her father and my mother are siblings.  My mother beat the odds and built herself up to be “successful” in the eyes of popular society.  Her brother struggled with many things and made the kind of mistakes that make society question his worth.  Why was I born to her, and Ashley to him?  Why, because of that chance, did I have the opportunity to grow up with three incredible siblings, while she bounced around to a number of different foster homes?  Chance.  And chance troubles me.  I don’t like leaving things up to circumstance.

So I’m passionate about kids.  Not all kids.  I don’t like runny noses and sticky hands any more than the next guy.  But I’m passionate about most kids.  Particularly the ones that society might ignore or judge or question.  Because I could have been one. Ashley may be one.  I am fortunate enough to work now in a place where everyday I can talk to the kids who remind me of why things can’t be left up to chance.  They are brilliant, enthusiastic, optimistic young people who constantly push and inspire me.  They also remind me of Ashley. They remind me of who I am and why I am here.  Yeah, I’m lucky.  Who often finds that in their day job?

Real life, real job.  Is this my fake life, my fake job?  Sometimes when it seems like finding Ashley is so far away, I wonder if this is a pipe dream. I’ve never been good at those.  However I am good at juggling responsibilities.  So that is what I’ll do.   I don’t like to leave things up to chance.

With love (and thanks for your patience in my responding to all your emails),

Audra