My discomfort with being the A Wish for Ashley spokesperson continues to grow.  I was half cringing, half crying watching the Fox News story air last night.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I thought Erin did a beautiful job and I was pleased that the key messages got through.  No, no,  I couldn’t sit and watch it because I prefer to be incognito, yet there was my face and lips… wow, that was a close up splashed across my mom’s big TV… in high definition.  I have to get up and go to work tomorrow?  Please let no one mention it to me at work.  Yeah, there’s no way anyone saw it, it’s 10:40pm and everyone I work with gets up by 6am.  Yes they are all definitely sleeping.  I fell asleep reassuring myself that, in fact, not a single human being who knows me saw me and heard my voice cracking on TV.

I arrived at work this morning obscenely early.  Though I’m quite amused that upon arriving at 6:15am, I found I was the second person to arrive.  My colleagues are dedicated. I yelled out a hello to the first office arrival.  And waited.  Good, she said 'hi' back.  Like normal.  She didn’t see the story. One down.  I headed to my office and started sorting through work emails.  Oh look my boss just responded.  No mention of the feature. Two down.  And so my day went with every single colleague, with not a single person the wiser that I was a soppy fool on TV last night. SCORE!  And then I went to cover break in one of our classrooms. 

“Ms. Peek?”  I looked down to see one of the quietest students in the class looking up at me.  “Yes?” “I saw you on TV last night.”  WHAT?!!! I was about to start breathing heavily, start freaking out that this student had spread the news amongst all the other students when I thought, Audra, grow up.  You’re an adult. How would an adult handle this?  The answer was clear.  In my strongest, most authoritative adult voice I asked in a disapproving tone: and why were you up at 10:40pm?  The student’s eyes got big… then I saw the sheepish grin.  A moment of understanding passed between us.  The student should not have been watching TV that late- it was against the rules, it was secret.  The student could tell I was keenly embarrassed.  I wanted to keep the feature secret.  You got my back, I got yours.  We nodded in silent agreement.  Safe.   

Now that I have mastered the art of silent negotiation with a middle schooler, I’m moving on to mastering more sophisticated search tactics.  Oh Ashley, I’m learning so much on the road to finding you… 

With love (and a grown up voice),

Audra
 


Comments

Bob Marsh
10/19/2009 17:38

I sent a letter to my State Senator to see if she could help. Are you taking contributions to defray expenses. Bob

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Tim
10/20/2009 20:39

Hang in there Audra, the sress and discomfort you are feeling may be hard on you now, but think of how much futher your net is now stretched and how much closer you are to finding Ashley.
Tp

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