Throughout the country, Americans gathered at retailers yesterday to celebrate the unofficial holiday of Black Friday. Over the years I have celebrated this day of misguided holiday-induced judgment by trampling customers in pursuit of Power Rangers and spending hours on the sidewalk of a Best Buy… but those are stories for another day.  Last night, Tara, her Boyfriend and I commemorated the occasion not by hitting up a mall, but by striving to celebrate the day in the purest fashion: going out to acquire a Christmas tree. 

I was intrigued when my mother tasked me with coordinating the Christmas Tree and Decoration Acquisition for Tara and Erich of 2009.   My only prior experience with tree acquisition and décor has been limited.  There are no family tramps to the tree farm to saw down a tree and strew the tree in popcorn strings in our home.  Oh no, my mom is of the OCD I pick the tree, pick two colors of ornaments (Christmas of 2008 featured the black and white motif- all gifts not wrapped in Mother Approved black or white wrapping paper were not allowed under the tree) and decorate the tree on my own since I don’t trust you not to put two ornaments of the same color too close together generation.  Mind you my mom’s tree is always beautiful… but not so much kid (or 25-year-old) friendly.  So when she entrusted me with an envelope of cash and instructions to make sure Tara and Erich used it to introduce the Christmas spirit to their LA apartment yesterday morning, I didn’t want to let her down.

We set out last night to a formerly abandoned lot a few blocks away from the apartment, equipped with “sap friendly” clothes and an SUV that just screamed ‘tie a Christmas tree to my roof!’  All was going wonderfully: we picked a tree in under 8 minutes, and it was tied onto the roof within another five.  We celebrated our success with a stop at a frozen yogurt place on the way home. 

As we turned into the drive of Tara and Erich’s apartment building, my over-thinking mind turned on. “Hey, do you know what the clearance is of your parking garage?”  I asked, moments before we turned the truck towards the structure.  “7 feet” Erich read from the posted sign.  We all did quick calculations… and proceeded down the ramp into the underground garage. 

Turns out, the clearance of the garage is 7 feet…. but the clearance once you subtract the directional signs and pipes is, well, much less than that.  Perfectly selected tree nearly wiped out the signage of the apartment complex and perhaps the steam pipes as well.  Tara and I dissolved into giggles when the SUV finally pulled over and Erich got out, horrified, to see the tree was about to take off part of his roof in addition to a sign. 

Mom, you’d be proud.  The tree is properly proportional, and not yet decorated in popcorn strings.  The car may be a bit scratched up, and the parking structure has probably seen better days, but I think I have proven my tree acquisition skills.  However, for the record, I think I’ll pass from taking on this dangerous challenge again anytime soon.  Though, Ashley, if you want to join me for some misguided holiday-induced judgment sometime soon, I can promise you a good (and almost vandalism-free) time.

With love (and smiles as I head out for another day with Tara!),

Audra

 

 

 

 


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