A Wish for Ashley

Dear Ashley,

I cannot even begin to explain how I'm feeling right now. To know that you now know we're searching for you. To know that in a few short days you will read the letter my mother wrote this evening. To know that you are doing well, and that there is a small possibility that you may want to know us. I am so happy. So hopeful. So grateful. So relieved.

They don't want us to overwhelm you... but if you're reading this, you've seen the website and you're probably very overwhelmed.  So let me apologize; let me explain. I love you. And I have missed you. So much. I have been looking for you for 11 years and I created this whole 'A Wish for Ashley' project because I couldn't take our separation any longer. So I went after you. By any means necessary. This website has been the most uncomfortable thing I've ever done. Opening up my life to strangers. Opening up my life because it has always felt incomplete without you in it.

Maybe one day you'll give me the opportunity to tell you the story in person. Of searching for you in high school and college. Of searching for you in the years since. Of the promise I made to your father, the promise that inspired me to make this website. I would tell you about the many wonderful girls named Ashley that I have been so honored to get to know along the way. They helped me search for you; they made fools of themselves as I did, calling random people, hoping beyond hope. I would tell you about the crazy people who stood on the CBS Early Show plaza on September 1st, holding up neon yellow signs with this URL on it; I would tell you of the people all over the country that saw the signs and emailed me to encourage me and send their prayers that we would one day find you. I would tell you about the Jimmy Fund Walk, and how we limped 13.1 miles to honor your father and celebrate you. I would tell you about the news writers and reporters who put up with me crying through interviews but who believed in the power of family and love and helped us move our search for you forward. I would tell you about all the false alarms, the hopes, and the fears those stories generated. But most of all I would tell you about the incredible love for you we have always had that kept us going. Kept us hoping.

Ashley, I don't know if you remember me. We use to play in the ball pit at the indoor playground. We use to play tag- you were fast, but even when I was faster, I let you win. My sisters and I use to sing to you- constantly- any song you demanded. Usually 'Maybe' from Annie. Ashley, I don't know if you're ready to know me now, and I don't want you to feel rushed. I'm 25. I'm quiet, but get talkative and silly when I'm comfortable. I'm sarcastic, but this journey has made me less cynical. You may not be ready, but whenever you are, I hope that you'll forgive me for all the crazy stunts I have pulled to find you. I love you. If nothing else, I want you to know that.

To all of you reading this who aren't Ashley, thank you. You have shown and taught me so much over the last six months. Right now I'm holding back details about how she was found, but know that she has been, and that we want to respect how she wants to proceed. You all helped make this possible. You inspired me and encouraged me; you made me believe in people. You are helping me, however slowly, to move on and say goodbye to my Uncle Will. I can now. Because I kept my promise. Will is looking down and he knows that now. He knows that if she'll give me the chance, I will tell her what he wanted her to know. Uncle Will, I can only imagine... you made me imagine a life without you in it that wouldn't be filled with sadness and longing, but hope and promise. I love you more than I can ever express; I love you and I hope that now you can get some sleep. You're not done yet, but you've already done a lot.

Ashley, maybe this is just the beginning. I hope that it is, however, I will abide by your wishes, whatever they may be. That's because I believe in wishes. Especially now that our ultimate wish has been granted.

With love (love is all you need),

Audra